Not only do I work with people who have hearing loss every day, but I also live with hearing loss myself. So when patients come in frustrated by mumblers or by people who continue to talk to them from a different room, I understand that frustration. One of the biggest complaints from those with hearing loss isn’t their actual loss of hearing, it’s the people around them who don’t seem to understand how challenging it really is.
When someone has hearing loss, they have to work incredibly hard to hear and understand what is being said. It takes constant attention and effort to follow a conversation. When family members, loved ones, or friends don’t take small steps to ease that burden, it creates unnecessary challenges.
I know this isn’t always intentional. For example, my own mom will talk to me while she’s washing dishes at the sink, and when I say “Huh?” she quickly turns around and says, “I’m sorry—I’m talking with my back to you.” My goal is simply to point out little things you can do to help the people in your life hear better and work less hard to do so.
The number one most important thing you can do is face them and get their attention before you start speaking. Imagine you’re in a noisy room, focusing all your energy on hearing the person you’re speaking with. If someone across the room shouted your name, you might not hear them because you’re so focused on your current conversation. When you shout to a loved one with hearing loss from the kitchen while they’re in the living room watching TV, it’s a similar situation. Their attention is locked on the TV as they try to keep up. Unless you first get their attention, don’t assume you have it. And walking into the room annoyed saying “Are you wearing your hearing aids?!” implies they’re doing something wrong, like it’s their fault they can’t hear you through walls and floors. Does that really sound fair?
Another misconception: louder is not always better. For many people, the issue isn’t volume, it’s clarity. Shouting or speaking excessively loudly doesn’t necessarily make anything clearer; it often makes it more distorted. Instead, try speaking slower and clearer. How slowly depends on their hearing level and age, but it’s thoughtful to check in by asking, “Can you hear me okay?” If they’re still having trouble, the issue may be the specific words you’re using. Consonant sounds fall in different frequencies, so the word itself may be hard for them to hear. Try rephrasing. For example, if you ask, “Is that a new coat?” and they can’t understand after a few repeats, try something like: “Your jacket…” (motion toward it) “…did you just get that?” This may seem obvious, but it’s surprising how many people just give up and say, “Never mind.”
Ah, the dreaded “never mind.” Nothing makes a person with hearing loss feel less valued than hearing that phrase. Again, it’s usually not intentional, but making the effort, even when it takes patience, allows the person with hearing loss to stay engaged and feel included. You may know hearing loss is linked to isolation and depression. It’s understandable why someone might withdraw socially when they’re repeatedly met with “never mind." On the flip side, when you take the steps mentioned here, you help ensure they stay included. And at the end of the day, don’t we all want to feel included?
I hope this has been a helpful walkthrough of small changes that can make a big impact on your loved one’s ability to communicate with you. Anything you do to help them hear better is another way of showing how much you care. For example, if you notice they’re having trouble hearing at a family party and there’s background music, consider lowering it or turning it off. Offer to switch seats so their back is against a wall instead of near a speaker. Sit with them in a quieter room where you know they’ll hear you more easily. These may seem like small gestures, but trust me, the person with hearing loss will be incredibly grateful. It shows you care and that you value what they bring to the conversation.
